Today, is another day that has followed a week of watching. We knew or at least I knew this was coming or possibly coming.
She fails to see she has limitations or the patterns in her life that have led her to relapse.
She is fine (for the most part) if she is feeling good which means she has someone special in her life. If that person leaves (in this case geographically in another country) she becomes sad. I also think she has a problem with reality. Of course, I can’t verify that, but I think she read more into the relationship that the boyfriend did.
Once she faces emotional pain she relapses. She pretends to get busy by thinking of taking on a huge event. This all collapses around the relapse. I know if she was healthy she could do this, but she’s not. A friend of mine refers to the numbing that she does as suicide in installments. She is still in denial another thing he refers to as being common among those who are addicts. Using the word addict is a bad thing around my daughter. She has never accepted that label as it has so many negative connotations for her.
Last night when she walked in I took one look at her eyes and knew. The eyes never lie, they truly are the windows to the soul and she still denies I can look at her and see her #truth. This morning while she was still passed out, I found the pills and the weed. I cannot say she was a sleep because she never made it to her pillow and her feet were still on the floor. So, yes she was passed out.
She roused enough at one point to tell me the pills were sleeping pills, but they were in baggies. That coupled with the weed makes me believe they could be something else. I mean, who needs weed when they have sleeping pills?
So, I’m spending my day reflecting and sad that we are once again back to “Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over drugs and alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.”