I am Nothing Without YOU

wpid-wpid-serenityprayer_page_1-2014-08-13-11-18-2014-08-13-11-182.jpgThere is a joke that goes around on religious Facebook profiles, pages and groups in addition to other social media sites about how we humans sit and plan our lives thinking we are in control while God and the Angels sit back and laugh. Really, we are not in control of anything and the sooner we let go realizing this, the happier we will be. We are a like the little mouse on the wheel thinking if he runs fast enough he will get there. In reality, he is going nowhere.

In the end, what happens in our lives is only by the ALMIGHTY’S will. We can pray or not, but in the end he decides what we learn, when we learn it, if we live, if we die, when we die and how we die. The past is but a memory, but the future is in HIS hands and he is all-knowing and sees all.

My Mom died of cancer about a year and half ago. Well, that’s not exactly accurate. My Mom was diagnosed with cancer for the second time (she survived the first through chemo therapy) in November 2012 after her regular blood test. After going through all the diagnostic tests to find out what cancer it was and where it was, we found out it was everywhere. We all were devastated. Mom had been cancer free for about 8 years. Even being in her 70s she wanted to fight it, to extend her life. To this day I wish she had decided to live out the rest of her life with it. We would have been able to have more time in that case. After the procedure to insert the chemo port was botched she had to wait over a month before they could try again. Then after the first chemo treatment she had a bad reaction which led to a heart attack and her death. To this day, my sister says that when she took Mom to the hospital that fateful day, she never imagined she would return home without her.

I follow the faith of Islam, I am not a fanatic, or terrorist nor would any say I am the best of Muslims. I do leave the big stuff in HIS hands. When my Mom was dying, I prayed a very simple DOA(prayer) that if it was HIS will to please heal her, otherwise to take her from this DUNYA (world) without her suffering a long illness. I think realizing that I was powerless helped me come to terms with this loss. I still grieved, but I accepted it was HIS will. I was thankful for HIS mercy on my Mother.

I hope someday my daughter submits to HIS will and that will lead her to be completely SOBER without relapse. Till then I pray to HIM to help guide her everyday.

I learned the Serenity Prayer when I was a young girl. I know it is a big part of any recovery program, but it is also a part of life in general. Walking the path with you.


BB’s Mom


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